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Okay enough is enough...I am starting to lose my initial "steam"
I would appreciate if collectively you all would please
KICK MY ASS!
Actually I just need to do that and can't stand violence so just
please cross your collective fingers for me guys...It's weird, just
a few days "off the wagon" are so damaging to the morale...I don't
need to weigh myself to know that I'm not on plan...Okay time to
regroup. I have always been the kind of person that, when I set my
mind to something I can achieve alot, and when there is no goal to
work towards I'm like another person...non-motivated...treading
water and very prone to going into a negative whirlwind of
destructive behavior...Wow this sounds awful, I need a laugh people!
Lately the mere thought of anything stressful or externally
pressuring really turns me off, yet in all of my past experiences
that was the precise way I would approach some kind of diet
goal...And (put on your therapist's caps people this is getting into
my borderline tendencies) usually I would lose weight when I was
hoping to attract someone...I guess this is pretty common, but the
funny thing now is (and maybe married couples go through this too)
when there is no one immediately on the horizon and I'm not on
the "prowl" LOL, I don't know how to really muster up that
enthusiasm about getting my body in shape...It's pretty sad really
when I think of it, because that is such an unhealthy motivation for
being in good shape...Self esteem doesn't just land in your lap, it
comes from accomplishments, but for many years I always accomplished
stuff when I felt it was going to benefit a (usually codependent)
relationship...My health should be enough...This is a seriously
tough problem for me to tackle since it is almost programmed into me
on a dna level, it's so deep. I feel really upset tonight guys...do
any of you ever experience this? If so, what are the good messages
which help you remember that you are worth the fight? Man where is
this post going? I'm actually crying reading my words :(
Okay I've decided that since my goals these days are just too
nebulous, infact other than "Do No S" I really haven't set any
immediate goal and this is important for me. I also know that I
rise to a challenge so I want to make a public declaration of my
goal for the next month and possibly through the upcoming "dreaded
holiday/winter doldrum time" which usually brings holiday cheer and
a prerequisite extra 10 to 15 lbs, if you are like me...I hate too
much pressure but hell, if I don't start getting strict and actually
have a goal I will just float around in diet limbo...Right now I can
only describe my attitude and state of mind on this as "Restless yet
Immobile" I hereby propose that by Thanksgiving I will have lost 12
lbs ( if more I will dance the electric chicken on the table and let
you know, but 12 is fine. Not unrealistic if you divide that by 6
weeks, but not too ambitious either)
Here it is and so now all of the internet is serving as my
designated "partner" so to speak...And by the way if any of you No S
guys are single,,,,wait not going there, I was just joking...
Seriously... :)
"Debbies Healthcare Reform" (I had to mention healthcare to stay in
vogue and topical, so vote for me!) I am certainly open to all
suggestions so please add anything you can think of to the following
Here it is:
1. Go to sleep one hour earlier (even if it means not getting to
read posts...ooh that'll be hard, since I am becoming a post junkie)
2. Get up one whole hour earlier so I can't blame skipping my
morning routine on getting my son ready for school..
3. On days when I don't receive a call for a massage by 10:30 I
have to get my shoes on and hit the pavement for at least a half
hour. Usually, phonecalls, waiting for work, etc... become excuses
for not moving at all...No more of that!
4. If I have a massage scheduled do SG in the mid afternoon, if
not, do it when I get up at (groan) 7:30
5. Plan which tv shows I like and then tape them...Then do something
more productive and less couch potatoish during those times...Play
guitar, play board games and basketball with my son, anything but
sit on my flabby ass!!!!
6. Make myself have a great healthy breakfast...I am one of those
people with an Earth Element imbalance (these are the Spleen and
Stomach meridians) I never wake up with a good appetite and just
have a slice of toast and coffee...I know somewhere later on this
will set me up for a night of overeating...this stops tomorrow.
That's enough for now...I will post my weight every week so that I
can be held "accountable" to someone other than me, and hope that
this gives me extra external motivational resolve.
I feel better just thinking of this plan.
Love and thanks for listening Friends :)
I needed to unload big time :)
Debbie
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