Everyday Systems: nosdiet: message 2949 of 3212

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--- In , Reinhard Engels 
<beautiful_idiot@y...> wrote:

> General observation:
You shouldn't beat yourself up too much for your
failures, but you should pay attention to them. Lots of screw ups 
("emotional eating") are themselves a kind of beating yourself 
up.

....Hi Reinhard :) I would like to humbly add a suggestion here.
Let the word "failure" leave the dieting persons vocabulary... I 

think it's way to harsh...Screwup is almost more "user friendly" but 

if we are really going to be friends to ourselves I suggest to 
replace the failure mentality with some more proactive thoughts.

Think of this as a Setback...
The word Failure just compounds whatever guilt, shame or generally 
crappy feelings and thinking this way will probably prolong the 
temporary undesirable behaviour and *then* it has the potential to 
become a self fullfilling prophesy...

Setback, on the other hand indicates a "temporary halt in forward 

direction and momentum" semantically is assumes a positive and 
successful outcome....unlike the gloom and doom "failure"....
I agree with you that we have to watch how many of these setbacks 
are happening, but I believe that if a person really adopts this 
mindset, they will reach their goal and not let temporary 
discouragements which are *part of being human* not an android LOL :)
But then it's just as important to let the setback register and just 
move on baby... move on...

> Comfort food can be a kind of scourge, "I too think I am worthless,
mom/dad/world, behold this doughnut I am stuffing down my face." So 

you aren't really doing yourself any favors by saying "I forgive 
myself, I'm OK." Sure it's a reward, too, but that just makes the 

punishment more exquisite.

....I think most of this is very subliminal... I'd say, don't assume 
too much but watch the behavior... If it's not going to help you 
don't do it...I will agree that the feelings of "I hate myself" 

or "I suck for this" are certainly some of the most *exquisitely* 

painful punishments.. Yes Rein, excellent word for that. Very aptly 
put.

> You are punishing yourself by making yourself more guilty. How is 

there *any* good in that?
.....People do have to come to the conclusion that this infact is 
what they are doing... Sometimes that takes a lot of observation and 
letting go of ingrained *wrong* ideas.. denial is a very tough enemy 
for changing ourselves. Yet until we know it is there we are just 
prisoners to these subconscious *wrong dialogues*... You just have 
to be honest with yourselves guys and then ask yourself a really 
hard one..
"Do I love myself enough that this is worth it?"
The answer should be yes, but for some it's not easy to even ask 
this.
Make up some nice mantras for tough times... like my recent favorite 
from my new friend Richard Spears I know from the Shovelglove site
"Living Well is the Best Revenge"...
Note the male perspective is much less lovey dovey and maybe it is a 
bit more positive too than just saying "Love Yourself"...
Take positive actions and before you know it, you will find that 
those setbacks are more and more rare and then instead of a vicious 
cycle, you will be creating a "Happy Cycle"....
Throw the word and concept of "Success" into everything you do and 

it will seep into your new conscious and unconsious "habit" brain...
If you are on the verge of a meltdown maybe imagining yourself 
running a long marathon and crossing the finish line with crowds and 
crowds of people there to cheer you on..then remember that this is 
infact a reality... Solitary success is nice, but the cumulative 
effect of hundreds of people in your "corner" cheering you on is a 

very very powerful too! Use it.. We are that cheering crowd!

> If you make a solemn face at the coffee creamer in the morning and 

then wolf down a pound cake at midnight because you're depressed, 
you're being penny wise poundcake foolish.
....Ha ha that was a good one Rein :)

> You want a replacement behavior? Try emotional exercise. 
.....Excellent suggestion. Although people here know about the two 
exercises you have developed I don't feel that the role of exercise 
has been explicitly mentioned enough here on NoS... I am happy you 
are now touting its wonderful benefits a bit more... Especially on 
this plan I feel that exercise is key... It's not a martyr diet like 
you wrote me one day, and it doesn't offer a quick fix result. But 
what does change that is exercise.... One can't diet without it and 
be successful for good... and it feels so great too!

> Walking is auto-psychotherapy, and far cheaper than the regular
> kind. 
.....Ah that's why I'm still nuts, I haven't gone walking for ages! 
LOL :) Seriously you are right... Seeing the scenery changes also 
automatically takes one out of their "dumps" and provides healthy 

distraction.
NB Don't plan a walk that passes by Dunkin Donuts...

> Emotional eating isn't excuse worthy. It isn't (really) a reward. 

It's the opposite: it's a punishment. So be nice to yourself: don't 
do it. Reinhard
......Yes you hurt yourself when you really lose control of eating 
well. One more "new agey" type of suggestion (why they call this 

thinking New Age I can't understand since it's based on age old 
practices)
Close your eyes, take some very relaxing breaths... really relax and 
keep taking in some more nice breaths and focus your attention on 
your belly... after a while you will probably notice that it is 
indeed full and pulsing with energy... Draw on that feeling of being 
full of energy and use your breath to bring down your stress levels.
This works on a physiological level too as Oxygen decreases the 
blood levels of one of the most harmful stress hormones, Cortisol, 
as well as Adrenaline.... With a few moments of creating calm 
that "impulse" to eat (not real hunger) will pass and you'll have 

triumphed over your donut "enemy" :)
Thank you Rein for addressing this formidable foe to our successes. 
It exists and probably is the biggest hindrance to long term weight 
loss success that we are up against. I believe we all have demons, 
so why not face them, rather than "smother" those feelings with a 

submarine sandwich, and then move on to a happier and healthier new 
you? :)
Feel your feelings and then let them pass. Trying to anesthetize 
ourselves with food will only leave you in a life long rut and is a 
unhealthy HABIT :) You can break it, even if it is painful too 
experience that feeling your trying to dull out with a donut... 
What's more painful? Being unhappy with yourself forever because 
you are constantly sabatoging yourself?
Good luck everyone!
Love and Peace,
Debbie
ps. Lets all come up with Proactive mantras to use when necessary. 
I'd like to hear everyones ideas and then steal them to use for 
myself! :)